funny poems

Roses are red; violets are blue 
Monkeys like you should be kept in the zoo.
Don't feel so angry, you will find me there too
Not in a cage but laughing at you.   

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Twinkle twinkle little star
You should know what you are
And once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far. 

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The rain makes all things beautiful.
The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful
Why doesn't it rain on you? 

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I wrote your name on sand it got washed.
I wrote your name in air, it was blown away.
then ~ I wrote your name on my heart And I got a heart attack straight away  

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God saw me hungry, HE created pizza.
HE saw me thirsty, HE created Pepsi
HE saw me in dark, HE created light
HE saw me without problems, HE created YOU.
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When your life is in darkness, pray to God
ask him to free you from darkness
and if after you pray,
you're still in darkness,
Please pay your ELECTRICITY BILL!

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HUMOROUS HRD NOTICE OF A COMPANY

Please be advised that these are NEW rules and regulations implemented to raise the efficiency of our firm.

 

1)  TRANSPORTATION:  
It is advised that you come to work driving a car according to your salary.
 
a)  If we see you driving a Honda, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.
 
b)  If you drive a 10 year old car or taking public transportation, we assume you must have lots of savings therefore you do not need a raise.
 
c)  If you drive a Pickup, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
 
2)  ANNUAL LEAVE :  
Each employee will receive 52 Annual Leave days a year ( Wow! said 1 employee).
 
- They are called SUNDAYs.
 
3)   LUNCH BREAK :  
a)  Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
 
b)  Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
 
c)  Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.
 
4)  SICK DAYS:  
We will no longer accept a doctor Medical Cert as proof of sickness.
 
- If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
 
5)  TOILET USE:  
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilets.
 
a)  There is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the cubicles.
 
b)  At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the door will open and a picture will be taken.
 
c)  After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.
 
d)  Subsequent pictures will be sold at public auctions to raise money to pay your salary.
 
6)   SURGERY :  
As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs.
 
- You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact.
 
- To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.
 
7)   INTERNET USAGE :  
All personal Internet usage will be recorded and charges will be deducted from your bonus (if any) and if we decide not to give you any, charges
 
will be deducted from your salary.
 
- Important Note:         Charges applicable as Rs.20 per minute as we have 4MB connection.
 
Just for information, 73% of staff will not be entitled to any salary for next 3 months as their Internet charges have exceeded their 3 months salary.
 
 
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience.
 
Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

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